Hei guys,
Lately, or more precisely after this feeling arose, a feeling that I cannot express to Him. Actually, it's easy, just say, "Hey N, actually I blablabla you, what should we do?" But I don't know why it's so difficult for me to do that. Maybe it's because of my ego or fear of rejection, I don't know.
So until now, I can only keep those feelings and it turns out that it's not easy and quite tiring. Especially when friends ask "How about you and him now?" Even though I know it's just small talk or jokes, facing that question is quite tiring with the answer "Nothing, we're just friends."
My answer that never changed every time I was asked like that, I became curious and wanted to say to you guys, "Why don't you guys help me ask Him?" You know I can't do it. May I ask for your help like that?
To you,
As I wrote in the opening paragraph, I realize that anything can happen and perhaps this problem can be resolved without me having to feel tired like this. However, I cannot or dare not do it. Why? Maybe this is just my excessive feeling.
Why don't I express my feelings? Because I feel that you don't have the same feelings as me. I'm just your friend, nothing more... There's nothing special between us (even though I really want to feel special). I also don't want to force my feelings on you.
In essence, I love you and I hope this doesn't bother you. I'm sorry if I can't express it directly and make you confused. I'm happy when I spend time with you and want to ask you, "Let's go coffee hopping? Where should we go today?" But at the same time, I'm just confused like, "Is this okay? Or no?”.
I always strive to be there for you when you need help. It makes me happy to be able to assist you.
And again…
Sorry for this feeling…
Ki,
Actually, you know the source of the problem that bothers you in your heart, but you are not brave enough to take steps to solve it. Hopefully, you and your friends or people around you can help you,Ki.
It’s understandable that expressing your feelings can be difficult, but bottling them up can be even more exhausting.
If you're not ready to do that yet, maybe try exploring your feelings more and figuring out what you truly want. Remember that it's okay to take your time and that there's no rush to make any decisions.
The author is struggling to express their feelings to someone they love due to fear of rejection or their ego. They feel tired of keeping their feelings hidden and wish their friends could help them. The author acknowledges that expressing their feelings may be difficult but bottling them up is exhausting. They hope to find a solution with the help of their friends or by exploring their feelings more.
