So This is What Feels Like!
This is about love or what?
Hei guys,
Lately, or more precisely after these feelings arose, I've been struggling with emotions that I cannot express to her. Actually, it should be easy - just say, "Hey C, I actually have feelings for you, what should we do?" But I don't know why it's so difficult for me to do that. Maybe it's because of my ego or fear of rejection, I'm not sure.
So until now, I can only keep these feelings inside, and it turns out that it's not easy and quite tiring. Especially when friends ask, "How about you and her now?" Even though I know it's just small talk or jokes, facing that question is quite exhausting with the same answer, "Nothing, we're just friends."
My answer has never changed whenever I'm asked this. I've become curious and wanted to say to my friends, "Why don't you guys help me ask her?" You know I can't do it myself. Could I ask for your help with this?
To you,
As I wrote in the opening paragraph, I realize that anything can happen and perhaps this issue can be resolved without me having to feel this tired. However, I cannot or dare not take action. Why? Maybe these are just excessive feelings. Why don't I express them? Because I feel that you don't have the same feelings for me. I'm just your friend, nothing more... There's nothing special between us (even though I really want to feel special). I also don't want to force my feelings on you.
In essence, I love you and I hope this doesn't bother you. I'm sorry if I can't express it directly and that makes you confused. I'm happy when I spend time with you and want to ask you, "Let's go coffee hopping? Where should we go today?" But at the same time, I'm confused like, "Is this okay? Or not?" I always strive to be there for you when you need help. It makes me happy to be able to assist you.
And again...
Sorry for these feelings...
Ki,
Actually, you know the source of the problem that bothers you in your heart, but you are not brave enough to take steps to solve it. Hopefully, you and your friends or people around you can help you, Ki.
It's understandable that expressing your feelings can be difficult, but bottling them up can be even more exhausting. If you're not ready to do that yet, maybe try exploring your feelings more and figuring out what you truly want. Remember that it's okay to take your time and that there's no rush to make any decisions.
The author is struggling to express their feelings to someone they love due to fear of rejection or their ego. They feel tired of keeping their feelings hidden and wish their friends could help them. The author acknowledges that expressing their feelings may be difficult but bottling them up is exhausting. They hope to find a solution with the help of their friends or by exploring their feelings more.